Success!

When I first became a single mother, I had a two year old and twin 8 month old boys. My world was a swirling whirlwind of bottles, diapers and snuggles. I spent most days overwhelmed to tears, unsure of how to get through to bedtime.

The "kid" years seemed SO distant. Yet, here I am!

We spent the entire summer together, playing, laughing and going many different places. I had the antithesis of a schedule, and everything was just free-flowing and natural. We woke when we felt rested, we slept when we felt tired. We explored the world around us. We spent time with family. It was beautiful. All good things have to come to an end, but we filled the summer with as many memories as there were moments.

Today we felt the familiar snap of fall in the air, and was the first day for a couple of months that he needed to take a coat with him. All of his clothes were laid out and ready to go. I had his bag packed with all of his goodies requested by his teacher, and he joyfully poked through the contents before breakfast. I woke him up with some tickles and a song that I was making up as I sang, and made him sausage and toast with hot chocolate for breakfast (his favorite) while we talked about how much he has grown up. His response, "I know. I'm a big kid now. I'm all grown up!" Not quite, son, but you're getting there! All in all, it was enough to make any boy feel ready and capable to face the excitement of the day.

Many moms were tearing up, but I wasn't one of them. I just sent my darling, mature William off to his first day of Kindergarten and didn't shed a tear. It was nothing but pride on my face. I'm beginning to understand the depth of the meaning of that word. I feel like my heart grew two sizes while I watched him walk confidently into his classroom and make new friends right away. He waved me off sheepishly with an embarrassed smirk on his face, and I stood in the hallway watching him interact with his classmates.

I eventually made my way home with the twins to get some quality time with them before picking Will up and headed back to drop Matthew off for his afternoon Pre-K class. Shane attends tomorrow. The schedule this year is going to be crazy, but it gives me more one on one time with the boys. I want to give them as much training as I can before I'm no longer the most important influence in their lives.

I didn't think today would ever come, but I'm so glad it did.

Squirrels

Today's post has been brought to you by the letter S, for squirrels.

I've been doing my annual deep-cleaning in order to prep for a hectic school year, and it's amazing the things I've discovered about my children in the process. Mainly that they stash things they want to play with or want to hide either from me or their other siblings for later in the most interesting places.

The couch and chair cushions in the living room are the most popular. Just in these four pieces of furniture I've found:

1. The pair of sandals they always fight over (fashion is important to them?).
2. Three whole chocolate bars.
3. A piece of pizza.
4. Donkey Kong Country (presumably stuck there the last time I removed it from their posession).
5. 16 batteries on full charge (I get the kind you can check the charge on, for this very reason).
6. 8 pairs of socks.
7. Extra bullets for their Nerf guns.
8. A bag of pistachios.
9. A missing iPod.
10. Five dollars.
11. 8.32 in change (they always take coins when they find them for their piggy bank, but since they broke that they must have found this option to be more lucrative and practical - the other day at the movie theater Will paid for a race car video game without my knowledge. Must have accessed the stash).

I've often thought to myself, "WHERE did they get THAT?" Now I know. The stash.

I wish I were half as resourceful as they are when I was a kid!

Words To Live By

Single mothers live a very different "family life" than a traditional two-parent home.

I have a dear friend who recently had her husband leave for a month to train for a sport, and this was the longest time they'd ever spent apart. Because I spent up to a year apart from my husband during our marriage and survived (and that I've been doing the parenting job solo going on 5 years), she sought me out for advice and help on how to cope with caring for her two boys and effectively manage her schedule. This got me thinking that my list may be helpful to other single mothers in need of direction as well.

1. Do not expect perfection! We can only do what we can, and being frustrated or depressed that we are not able to keep everything in perfect order is only going to set us back further. Focus on the tasks at hand, and check them off one-by-one. How do you climb a mountain? ONE step at a time.

2. Form an excellent support system, most importantly by being a reliable, caring friend FIRST! Single mothers often need favors from friends, but don't become the person constantly asking and never giving. Whatever your strengths are.... doing a friend's makeup or hair for a big night out, cooking when they're sick and dropping off meals during trials, watching others' kids in exchange, helping a friend learn how to coupon or craft, hosting a girls' night at your house with movies and popcorn.... be creative in building close friendships that are more than just a Facebook "like" relationship. You know what I'm saying. :)

3. Create systems in your home to make your life easier. Lay out the kids' clothes the night before so there is no fight in the morning. Have a boot bench by the door to house shoes upon entry to your home to reduce on the need to clean your carpets every thirty seconds and to keep from playing the "let's find the shoes" game. Put together freezer meals for busy nights (@Pinterest has great ideas!).

4. When it comes to kids' clothes and supplies, re-sell them! Don't waste your hard-earned money. Give each item a good wash and spot treat, and sell at either a good consignment store or at a consignment event like Just Between Friends sales. This will enable you to get more of what your kids need in their current sizes. Time is money if you manage it wisely.

5. Encourage independence in your children. Have them take tasks into their own hands at appropriate ages. It takes a great deal of time to train them, but the time you save in the long-run will far outweigh the time to teach them!

6. Care for yourself emotionally. Watch girly movies. Engage in your passion, whether it be a craft, cooking, hiking, swimming.... anything to get you out of the routine of daily life and makes you smile. Make a list of the things you really enjoy and put it on your bedroom door or somewhere else you'll see it.

7. FIND AN EXCELLENT BABYSITTER! Babysitters mean FREEDOM! I have six on speed-dial so I always know I can find someone in a pinch. Of course, make sure they are CPR and first aid certified in case of emergencies, and always request reference letters.

8. Take a shower EVERY morning... even on your lazy days. Nothing gets your engine running faster than clean skin and bouncy hair! You may want to skip this when you're feeling tired and overwhelmed, but this will be the fastest ticket to a lack of productivity and poor self-image.

9. When you're feeling down, clean! Turn the music up and pick a small spot in your house to conquer. Before you know it, you'll start feeling better and more in control of what is going on in your life, even if the cleaning doesn't solve the problem you're facing... it'll still look pretty and make you smile!

10. When all else fails and the world is closing in around you, love on your kids. Look them right in the eye and talk to them. Tell them how much they mean to you and then if they're little enough, snuggle them until they say they want to be left alone. :) The power of touch and connecting to those precious little ones can help to re-focus you on what is important.

God knows where you are and what you are capable of. He is never surprised by your circumstances, choices or desires. Although these different ideas/actions help a little, the most powerful thing to change the way you feel and the way you live is to be in perpetual communication with the person who loves you most, through honest, open prayer.

If you've ever wondered how to pray, it is simply having a conversation with God as if he were sitting right with you. I pray while I'm driving, cleaning, even during some conversations! Just like when you read a book "to yourself", no one even has to know what you're saying or that you're praying at all. Keep those lines of communication strong and it will serve you well in all aspects of your life!

Delayed Goals

This past semester in college was tough, and it made me frustrated and ineffective. Being a full-time mother of three young boys AND a full-time college student wasn't in my abilities. I was trying to get my pre-requisites accomplished to take part in the cohort this summer, a 7:30am-5pm intensive course for education, but I just couldn't get it all done in the short amount of time I was given. I was full-time last summer, too, and felt thoroughly burned out.

This led me to a place I am extremely unfamiliar with - I didn't achieve the goal I set out to conquer.

Feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness and disappointment overwhelmed me for much of Christmas break and into the new semester, and I lost focus on what was important. God knew this would happen. He sees everything that happens in my life. It was no surprise to my creator, and He will use ALL things for the good of those who love Him (me), so why was I fretting so much?

As long as I keep moving forward and putting my children first, everything will come together in His time. Now I get a true summer BREAK with my boys. All I have is a couple of courses online to accomplish, and I won't be stuck there for the majority of the day. This also gives me time to save money for next summer's cohort. Childcare for one child full-time is going to be about 1500.00 per month.....! That is 3,000.00 for just two months of my kids being cared for while I work. Praying that it all comes together at that point! I know, however, that if God means for me to be a teacher, it will happen.

For now, I can effectively manage what has been put before me, and have time to truly enjoy my sons in this rapidly changing phase of their lives. My oldest is being registered for both t-ball and Kindergarten this week. This has been a time I've looked forward to with such anticipation!

Doing my best to continue to take one day at a time, advancing my possibilities and staying focused on my ultimate goal - being obedient to God's will for my life with my every step.

The Secret

So often people ask me what "my secret" is. Those who know me well already know the "secret", but they may not realize it.

How do I do everything that I do?

Answer: my house is almost never "clean". I spend too much time cleaning up things like this....

Oops! That's what I get for folding laundry downstairs!

There are two reasons for this. 1. If I *did* keep the house sparkling, I'd freak out that much more when the boys messed it up. 2. It takes two days to clean one days' worth of the mess my boys can make. Example above.

Just to clarify - I don't live in a pit of germs and old food and disgusting-ness. It's just not *sparkly* the way I'd want it to be. Being a little obsessive/compulsive about tidiness isn't helpful, because in my mind I'm constantly tearing apart all the ways in my mind that my home could be more beautiful, but it's been a profound lesson in patience and looking beyond my current circumstances.

The outdoor dirt festival.

One day, I thought to myself, "I wish the boys weren't here so that I could have a clean house for once!!!" But then, I really gave this thought a once-over, and I realized how LONELY a sparkling clean, EMPTY house could be. If it always stayed clean, there wouldn't be any morning snuggles, play dough playtimes, crafts with 20 google eyes glued to them, or adorable little "chefs" stirring the brownie mix and accidentally splattering some on the wall. To me, I'll take the mess if it means I get three precious sons in return.

The three little explorers.

So, today - instead of sending them off to preschool on spring break so I could begin day one of spring cleaning, I kept them home and played with them all morning. We learned all about gardens, how seeds grow, the differences between veggies and flowers, rode bikes and read stories. I have about three loads of laundry and some dishes sitting idle, but I can get to those during nap time.

After all, chores don't grow up and leave you behind, they're ALWAYS there.

Home Improvement

It's 12:09 and I just finished tiling my laundry room. For real.

I had a long day of chemistry lecture, homework, preschool packing, unpacking, little boy quality time singing the "Go Diego Go" theme song at least 12 times, dishes, dinner, Costco trip, Home Depot, and watching a friend's kids.

I just HAD to do something for me.

Did I want to watch "The Bachelor"? No. Read? No. I wanted to complete a home improvement project! Sometimes I wonder about myself...

I started at around 9:30 just as soon as my little rustlers went to bed, and finished about 12:03. And, I couldn't be more proud. Peel and stick vinyl tile has come a long way, and for those of you wanting to inexpensively and easily cover up some ugly - check out my before and after:

Icky, icky cement floor with my washer and dryer (with a few tiles down - photo was an afterthought).

Beautiful, new peel and stick tile flooring! It only cost 25.00 to completely cover this area, and I have extras in case some get damaged. :)


I have a new washer and dryer coming in on Wednesday since this pair is about to bite the dust, and now the room is ready for its arrival. Can't wait! With as much laundry as I do, I absolutely need something that works well. 

All I had was a pair of kitchen shears, a pencil, a straight edge and my brain. Yep - it was awesome.  This weekend I plan on getting a new coat of paint on the wall if I have time, and to paint the pantry door.

Take that, icky floor! Super single mom, to the rescue!

Step at a time.

I'm fully engrossed in the "back to school" schedule now, but all I can think about is summer at Silverwood with my boys. Swimsuits and sunburns and little boy giggles.

I am so glad that I'm able to finish my degree, and that I still get to spend more days at home with my kids than away. With a great deal of organization and remaining dedicated to the task at hand, I'm slowly chipping away at my "to do list" for my long term goals.

I have class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and the kids go to preschool. That means packing three nutritious lunches and three winter coats and, three changes of clothes daily (in case of accidents). It also means that every Monday I have to pack three sets of mittens, three snow suits, three pairs of snow boots, and three blankets and pillows, and make sure that they are prepared for whatever special lesson they take part in each day. Just that aspect of my preparation alone can be overwhelming.

Plus, getting out the door can be an adventure in itself - I liken it to wrestling and herding greasy wildabeasts. Depending on the weather, I have to deter them from running amok in the yard exploring either the rain or the snow, and if it's sunny from dashing to their bikes in an attempted "quick ride" before we head off to school. They're getting big enough that they're too heavy to physically carry to the car, and very little motivates them to follow directions.

They have learned through experience that the "raptor" tactic of acting as a coordinated group works seamlessly every time they have a similar goal in mind. Wordlessly they communicate their plan, then immediately act. Running at top speed in three different directions puts me completely at the mercy of how fast my legs can take me. I track each one down, haul him back to the car, put him in his car seat. Then I run off to the next one, return to the car to secure the second offender, only to find the first detainee out of his seat and pushing the button that turns on the hazard lights. We play a "you can't get me game" and I secure detainee one, then run after the third escapee. By now, I'm gasping for air and questioning my decision to try to leave my house. The third one, William, always comes when he's called when he realizes he's been had. Thankfully. When we finally get into the car and I back away, inevitably someone has a "bathroom emergency" and needs to be rushed inside to the potty. We return to the car and finally leave.

We then arrive at the daycare center, which is where there is the inevitable fight over who can push the handicapped access button on the door, which typically ends in a screaming tantrum for at least one of the boys. After somehow managing to carry all their supplies in like a pack mule (the pile is easily bigger than I am), and getting them all inside safely, my intellectual day begins.

Parking is always a nightmare, but I show up an hour early to stalk my prey and secure a place well before I have to walk to class to ease my transition. I sit and read my Kindle for the entire hour, or study flashcards, or call a friend in silence. To be honest, this silence is a rare treat. Instead of being bored, I relish it. Especially at my school, which has no shortage of beautiful vantage points to enjoy the morning sun.

Then class, then home, then speed clean. Then pick up boys. Then begin the afternoon routine of getting dinner together and the BLESSED "Go Diego Go!". Then bedtime. Then sleep. Then wake again at 6am to begin a day of homework and study WITH said wildabeasts at my side, attempting to give them the attention they need as well as the schoolwork that I am required to complete and understand. No small task.

It's all a pretty little blur right now. I'm simply putting one foot in front of the other daily in order to arrive at my final exciting destination - self-sufficiency post-divorce.

What mountains are you climbing lately? Please share.

Daily Comfort Rituals

As mothers (and as women in general), we so often take care of others that we can tend to forget the value of self-care. What have you done for YOU today?

Being that life can be so crazy for me, especially with three little guys, I try to set aside 30 minutes a day of strict ME time. Either when they go to bed or before they wake up, I dream up something little that is accessible here in the house and make my own mini-sanctuary for a time.

Sometimes it's a bathtub and a bottle of wine. Others it's a book and some quiet music before bed. Still others it's a morning outdoors with a hot cup of coffee watching the sunrise. In the summertime, it's time with my iPod and my garden, weeding and pruning and staking. One of my favorites is when the kids take an unexpected nap (those are rare these days), and I get to snuggle up in bed for a mid-afternoon nap. Of course, I have to set the alarm for 30 minutes, otherwise my sleep schedule would be completely thrown off!

Other things that I enjoy:

Catching up on my favorite blogs.

Reading a new magazine.

Sorting through my clothes to keep things I use most (saves headaches later and organization makes me smile).

Planning a future activity (garden for spring, a home project).

Giving myself a foot massage.

Light a candle and write in my journal.

Pick up some music online for my iPod - I rarely do this for myself!

Wash my sheets in a deliciously scented laundry soap (like white lilac).

Eating chocolate. Simple yet effective.

Spraying perfume in my room before I go to bed.

Reading by the window.

Filling my bird feeders (if you don't have one, get some!).

Organize old family photos.

Sing and dance along to some happy music for absolutely no reason.

What are some things you enjoy? Consider making a list of favorites to put on your fridge, so that when you're feeling the "mommy blues" or just down in the dumps, you'll give yourself the lift you need to keep on keepin' on!

Facing my fears

Just when you think you absolutely, positively can't do something, you surprise yourself and do it.

For ten years, I'd looked at the Idaho Face run on Lookout Pass Ski Resort's map and cringed in fear. From the base of the mountain, you can clearly see it looming where the ski lift disappears over its summit. As you ride the chair, you watch all the accomplished "expert" skiers easily tackle it with speedy flair.

I would watch year after year as I passed it by, envious of those who were gutsy enough to take it on.

My mother had invited me to go skiing with her, my aunt and my littlest brother yesterday, and I never intended on taking on this monster before my trip. In fact, I was quite worried about how I'd do, being that I don't work out all that often and I'm a mom. For some reason, in my mind, the fact that I'm a mother makes me limit myself into thinking I can't do certain things, anymore... if ever again.

So, when I was ascending the mountain on the lift, I surprised even myself when I decided that today would be the day I took that ominous run on, mano-a-womano.

When I was about 11, my two year younger brother had asked me to accompany him on that run, and I thought I might be able to handle it. I'd been skiing since I was 3, so I thought to myself, "How hard can it be? Especially if my younger brother speeds down it frequently?" We got off the lift, proceeded to the drop off point, and as I looked over the edge, my breath caught and I watched breathlessly as my brother plummeted over the edge. There was NO WAY I was going to follow him, I thought. Ever.

Fast forward to my "moment" of decision. I was going to tackle this fear, and today was going to be the day. I again exited the lift with great confidence in my ability, and headed toward the "cliff". The first drop was the steepest, and if you fell, there would be no going back. You simply had to complete the run. I crept slowly up to the edge, pretending to watch the lift for someone I was missing, and could physically feel myself shaking in my ski boots. I stood and stood, noticing occasional laughter and comments from those still on the lift watching this silly girl in a pink ski coat nervously peering over the edge.

Their laughter spurred me on - reminding me that sometimes you have to look fear straight in the face and stick your tongue out at it, and pursue your goal.

I pushed off.

I skidded and fell, right on my butt - splayed out for everyone on the lift to see. My biggest fear. I didn't look when I heard the laughter increase. I simply got up, checked my gear and continued with a different approach, focusing only on the next ten feet ahead of me. A couple dozen parallel turns later, I realized I made it past the worst part, and then it was smoother sailing for a couple dozen more. Then, another drop off. But this time, I was ready. I knew how to handle it, and navigated the precipice with relative ease.

At the end, it was the part of the run I was familiar with (a lot of other paths collide with this one) and I headed back down the mountain to do it again.

I won.

What have you conquered lately?

Making it happen

Just because I'm a single mom does not mean that I limit myself to the day-to-day experience of the typical stereotype. I push myself to the limit of my circumstances in order to give my boys a childhood to remember with pride. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my boys' faces light up with a precious smile that only a little innocent heart can produce. In just a few years, this will me just a distant memory. Any sacrifices I can make now and any efforts I can put into developing their character are surely to make a significant impact in the long-run.

The twins "ice fishing" in the front yard.

Down to the smallest details, I try to incorporate time into my day to create things that will hold memories for the little guys. Here are some stockings I made with some vintage fabric of my grandmother's. It was a moth-eaten tablecloth that I salvaged, and I couldn't be happier with the result. Free and cuter than any store-bought stocking I've seen. :) When we open the Christmas decor box for years to come, I hope that these tactile things will bring that same smile to their faces.

I must send a big thanks to my Aunt Sharon for teaching me to sew! It was a long project, but the result was well worth the work.

As a general rule, I try to continue my life as I would if I were married, but I take care of just the boys instead of my husband. I strive daily to learn how to better our daily routine to make it less stressful and our interactions more rewarding.

I still bake pies, sew blankets with their initials on them, decorate for the holidays, achieve my personal career goals and maintain my home. Now that I'm over the initial hurt of the breakup, I continue my life as usual. Granted, not everyone has as much support as I do (I'm living near both the kids' grandparents and have good relationships with my former in-laws as well as my own parents) - but I think we can all aspire to make our "single mom" lives as "normal" as possible. For me, normal is making a home-cooked meal every night, wearing an apron to do my housework and learning all I can about my sons and their interests so that I can make their life as rich as possible while they are home with me.

The only things that are "abnormal" at this point is that I have to do the work of two people in my household. Broken drawers, burned out light bulbs, toilet clogs, roof maintenance and snow removal all fall to me. Raking the yard. Car care. Dishes. Laundry. Finances. Cleaning. The list goes on and on and on. This can be an exhausting way to live at times, but the rewarding peace I reap when the tasks for the day are checked off the list is completely worth all of the work.

The last two days we've had our first big snowstorm of the year, and a blizzard, no less. No exaggeration! An hour and a half of shoveling my large driveway, walkway and the chicken coop definitely got my cardio and strength training in for the day. ;)

Here is a quote you may enjoy:

"May today there be peace within. May you  trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget  the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and  others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the  love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just  the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

What helps you to feel more "normal" despite your challenging circumstances?