Life continues to surprise me. :)
I'm in the midst of one of the busiest semesters I've had thus far. Education majors have lots of busy work in their curriculum, likely to prepare us for the large volume of simple tasks we'll have as educators. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed every day, but I'm more determined than ever to simply put one foot in front of the other.
The boys have been going to preschool just two and a half precious hours per day two days a week (three days for Will), and it's been a great opportunity for me to get some basic tasks done, such as grocery shopping. My school work is accomplished from 9pm-12, 1, or 2 in the morning. Not my best hours for feeling alert and productive! To be honest, I'm behind. I'm never behind.
My latest adventure is simply accomplishing everything I have in front of me with grace. Incredibly simple, but SO difficult! I've made a goal to never leave dishes in the sink, to keep the laundry bin as empty as possible, and to be 100% dedicated to playing with the kids during the day and doing homework when they're asleep at night. I've also made a commitment to myself to NOT accept too many invitations, NOT overwhelm myself with tasks, and NOT miss a single Bible study during the week (I'm currently attending three!). I love being around my friends who have a similar faith - it helps ground me in my own.
It's a difficult sacrifice, but I've noticed it paying off! They're becoming little boys now instead of toddlers.... it's such a beautiful thing!
What has been your latest adventure?
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
On to summer!
I'm sitting with my morning coffee, sun on my shoulders from the window, with the sound of Sesame Street in the background. I'm thoroughly enjoying the moment. It's the first morning since school started in January that I don't have a single stressful deadline looming overhead, and my only goal for the day is to be "Mom". Being a student-mother is incredibly stressful. Keeping your mind in a "learning mode" is stressful as it is, without the worries of parenthood compounding that process. The last few weeks were incredibly demanding of my time, and it left the kids feeling lonely. At their preschool, we write "love notes" back and forth often. The most recent one broke my heart! Here is the note I got from Will:
As much as I wish I could stay home with my kids until they were five with no other responsibilities except to make them feel safe, secure and loved, I don't have that option anymore. However, I sit here triumphant because I met all my goals and completed the semester with excellent grades and most of the semester was able to give the kiddos the attention they required, stay home and care for them when they were sick, and use my new skills to teach them all the letters and their sounds. The two hour (total) daily commute, long, snowy winter and flu season are behind us.
This weekend I'll be taking the kids to our local theme park, and I can't wait to give them the best of my time! We asked the family to contribute to season passes for the summer, and we can go every day if we want for a couple hours to tire the littles out a bit. It's only a few minutes away from my doorstep, so we don't even have to worry about the cost of food in the park. What wonderful memories we will be able to make!
In January, I had no idea I'd be able to make it here. Now that I've completed this crucial step in my education and in my life after divorce, I'm so grateful that I took the leap!
What have you accomplished lately on your list of short or long-term goals? What accomplishment are you most proud of?
As much as I wish I could stay home with my kids until they were five with no other responsibilities except to make them feel safe, secure and loved, I don't have that option anymore. However, I sit here triumphant because I met all my goals and completed the semester with excellent grades and most of the semester was able to give the kiddos the attention they required, stay home and care for them when they were sick, and use my new skills to teach them all the letters and their sounds. The two hour (total) daily commute, long, snowy winter and flu season are behind us.
This weekend I'll be taking the kids to our local theme park, and I can't wait to give them the best of my time! We asked the family to contribute to season passes for the summer, and we can go every day if we want for a couple hours to tire the littles out a bit. It's only a few minutes away from my doorstep, so we don't even have to worry about the cost of food in the park. What wonderful memories we will be able to make!
In January, I had no idea I'd be able to make it here. Now that I've completed this crucial step in my education and in my life after divorce, I'm so grateful that I took the leap!
What have you accomplished lately on your list of short or long-term goals? What accomplishment are you most proud of?
Friday, September 24, 2010
Hitting my stride.
I can scarcely believe the woman I've become today.
When I look back on the empty shell of a person I was nearly three years ago. On October 5th, 2007 I decided it was time to leave my husband (after he requested it on my birthday) while 8 months pregnant with the twins and a 14 month old toddler in tow, loaded up my SUV with only the most dire necessities and drove from Alabama back home to Idaho to have my babies in sanity and peace, hoping against hope that my husband would get himself together... and even as I hugged my husband goodbye, I sensed the finality. Something was about to change, and NEVER go back to the way it once was.
I lived in people's basements for nearly two years, totally dependent on the mercy of strangers before I had a home of my own (even though it's just a rental). Now, the home I was miraculously blessed with has become comfortably OUR HOME.... filled with pictures, momentos and a place for everything.
I am feeling an overwhelming sense of peace and strength while looking back on these memories.
For me, life began again in the fall. It has always been my favorite season, but now I'm able to recognize this time with even more joy and thankfulness than ever before. I was set free from a marriage that was becoming a daily pain beyond tolerance, where truth and goodness were locked away forever. Given a fresh start by God.
Today, I'm happy, fulfilled, driven, and STILL hopeful in finding love again. I find that the most significant victory of all. I had a lovely chat with my ex over the phone today (really!) about how the boys are doing, and felt a glowing sense of pride in how well they're maturing and growing up. And.... I've done it all myself, with God to guide me every step of the way. I didn't have a husband to lean on when times got tough. When all three were sick, with toxic things coming from all parts of their bodies, and I was so sick I could barely move, I made it work. When Will stopped eating when his dad visited, I was the one to talk him back into it. When the kids cry or ask difficult questions about why their Daddy "left them all alone", I talk to them. When they go up to random 20 something guys in the park and ask them to be their new Daddy, I'm the one to shoo them away and tell them that they already have a Father - a heavenly Father that loves them more than they can imagine. I prayed for strength every step of the way, and gave them the care (both physically and emotionally) that they needed.
I also have my career within my sights. I wonder why on earth I hadn't thought of teaching seriously before. I *know* this is what I was born to do. I received an unexpected email from my teacher regarding a paper I wrote - my very first "lesson reflection", and she said, "The content of this paper leads me to believe that you have a profound gift of empathy and understanding. These are valuable traits in the world of education. Both the mechanics and the content of this paper were outstanding. Congratulations on a job well done!" It was humbling. I never would have gotten such a sense of empathy and understanding had it not been for the journey God has taken me on, and it gave me a renewed appreciation for any suffering I had endured. If it helps me to understand and help the heart of a hurting child, it was all worth it.
For the last several months, I've seen the fruits of my years of labor beginning to truly pay off. Focusing on my children, finishing school, waiting for the man God has for me instead of doing what feels good at the moment, or even what I think is right.... it's all creating a whirlwind of blessings both in my heart and my life.
How blessed could you be if you made a few changes in the choices you're making right now? How grateful are you for your own suffering in this life? How amazing is this God we serve? These are all questions I seem to be asking myself often as of late. Prayerfully considering each step I take, one day at a time, and taking care of myself and my children before anyone else in my life has greatly increased my ability to do great things for our life and for others.
I absolutely love the feeling I'm getting while I am hitting my stride.
When I look back on the empty shell of a person I was nearly three years ago. On October 5th, 2007 I decided it was time to leave my husband (after he requested it on my birthday) while 8 months pregnant with the twins and a 14 month old toddler in tow, loaded up my SUV with only the most dire necessities and drove from Alabama back home to Idaho to have my babies in sanity and peace, hoping against hope that my husband would get himself together... and even as I hugged my husband goodbye, I sensed the finality. Something was about to change, and NEVER go back to the way it once was.
I lived in people's basements for nearly two years, totally dependent on the mercy of strangers before I had a home of my own (even though it's just a rental). Now, the home I was miraculously blessed with has become comfortably OUR HOME.... filled with pictures, momentos and a place for everything.
I am feeling an overwhelming sense of peace and strength while looking back on these memories.
For me, life began again in the fall. It has always been my favorite season, but now I'm able to recognize this time with even more joy and thankfulness than ever before. I was set free from a marriage that was becoming a daily pain beyond tolerance, where truth and goodness were locked away forever. Given a fresh start by God.
Today, I'm happy, fulfilled, driven, and STILL hopeful in finding love again. I find that the most significant victory of all. I had a lovely chat with my ex over the phone today (really!) about how the boys are doing, and felt a glowing sense of pride in how well they're maturing and growing up. And.... I've done it all myself, with God to guide me every step of the way. I didn't have a husband to lean on when times got tough. When all three were sick, with toxic things coming from all parts of their bodies, and I was so sick I could barely move, I made it work. When Will stopped eating when his dad visited, I was the one to talk him back into it. When the kids cry or ask difficult questions about why their Daddy "left them all alone", I talk to them. When they go up to random 20 something guys in the park and ask them to be their new Daddy, I'm the one to shoo them away and tell them that they already have a Father - a heavenly Father that loves them more than they can imagine. I prayed for strength every step of the way, and gave them the care (both physically and emotionally) that they needed.
I also have my career within my sights. I wonder why on earth I hadn't thought of teaching seriously before. I *know* this is what I was born to do. I received an unexpected email from my teacher regarding a paper I wrote - my very first "lesson reflection", and she said, "The content of this paper leads me to believe that you have a profound gift of empathy and understanding. These are valuable traits in the world of education. Both the mechanics and the content of this paper were outstanding. Congratulations on a job well done!" It was humbling. I never would have gotten such a sense of empathy and understanding had it not been for the journey God has taken me on, and it gave me a renewed appreciation for any suffering I had endured. If it helps me to understand and help the heart of a hurting child, it was all worth it.
For the last several months, I've seen the fruits of my years of labor beginning to truly pay off. Focusing on my children, finishing school, waiting for the man God has for me instead of doing what feels good at the moment, or even what I think is right.... it's all creating a whirlwind of blessings both in my heart and my life.
How blessed could you be if you made a few changes in the choices you're making right now? How grateful are you for your own suffering in this life? How amazing is this God we serve? These are all questions I seem to be asking myself often as of late. Prayerfully considering each step I take, one day at a time, and taking care of myself and my children before anyone else in my life has greatly increased my ability to do great things for our life and for others.
I absolutely love the feeling I'm getting while I am hitting my stride.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Grateful for Answers
My last post was frantic to say the least!
I was in a total panic, which I know can be a symptom of motherhood, about my kids and their well-being as well as how to balance that with my schedule. I prayed unceasingly for answers, and they came.
I needed to drop chemistry.
It was on online chem class (1st mistake), and I thought that because it is not my strong suit, studying at my own pace would be the better way to take it. However, with the lab reports and assignments and quizzes and a very old-fashioned, stodgy teacher, I quickly realized it wasn't working.
I talked to the financial aid department at my school to see if I even COULD drop the class, and they assured me that it wouldn't affect my standing at all, since I was maintaining over 66% of my credits.
Wshew.
So, disaster averted! Now that I have my new schedule, I feel so much more peaceful about the semester. I know I can handle this.
Even though I wasn't successful in what I originally set out to accomplish, sometimes it's more victorious to be able to assess where you are and make decisions that will be more advantageous in the long run.
After all, if I died tomorrow, would I be more content as a mother who had enough time to nurture her kids, or a mother who pushed herself beyond her stress limit just to accomplish her goal faster?
I'm in the midst of a blessing firestorm. Everywhere I look, God is either nurturing my heart or improving my circumstances. In every aspect of my life, I am oozing from my very core with humble gratefulness for His amazing blessings. Slowly but surely, the more I've turned to God for guidance (which I already felt like I did before!), the more I wholeheartedly submit to His will for my life, the more radiant my heart becomes.
I am thrilled that God is a part of my continuing journey in single motherhood, and that I have wonderful friends rooted in Christ to be there to celebrate with me!
I was in a total panic, which I know can be a symptom of motherhood, about my kids and their well-being as well as how to balance that with my schedule. I prayed unceasingly for answers, and they came.
I needed to drop chemistry.
It was on online chem class (1st mistake), and I thought that because it is not my strong suit, studying at my own pace would be the better way to take it. However, with the lab reports and assignments and quizzes and a very old-fashioned, stodgy teacher, I quickly realized it wasn't working.
I talked to the financial aid department at my school to see if I even COULD drop the class, and they assured me that it wouldn't affect my standing at all, since I was maintaining over 66% of my credits.
Wshew.
So, disaster averted! Now that I have my new schedule, I feel so much more peaceful about the semester. I know I can handle this.
Even though I wasn't successful in what I originally set out to accomplish, sometimes it's more victorious to be able to assess where you are and make decisions that will be more advantageous in the long run.
After all, if I died tomorrow, would I be more content as a mother who had enough time to nurture her kids, or a mother who pushed herself beyond her stress limit just to accomplish her goal faster?
I'm in the midst of a blessing firestorm. Everywhere I look, God is either nurturing my heart or improving my circumstances. In every aspect of my life, I am oozing from my very core with humble gratefulness for His amazing blessings. Slowly but surely, the more I've turned to God for guidance (which I already felt like I did before!), the more I wholeheartedly submit to His will for my life, the more radiant my heart becomes.
I am thrilled that God is a part of my continuing journey in single motherhood, and that I have wonderful friends rooted in Christ to be there to celebrate with me!
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Great Childcare Debate
I'm in a bit of a pickle... and I know it's one many of us moms share. Life is so full of challenges and obstacles, and it's our challenge to respond to them gracefully and prayerfully.
I've been under a lot of pressure from people I know about my decision to "ship my children off" for any amount of time to a preschool, AND for going to school. It has weighed heavily on me that they would not approve of my desire to achieve something for myself, and that they feel I would be somehow "harming" the boys to have them in another person's care for a grand total of 9 hours a week.
I was planning on going to school online (so if my kids were sick, I could be home with them, but still have time to complete my coursework without having any interruptions and do my internship time in classrooms), and was told that the state would subsidize my childcare (or pay a percentage to help me out). Unfortunately, that just might not happen. Apparently because it's online, and not in a classroom every day, (even though I'm taking ten credits) I may not qualify. At least, not without an appeal. That leaves me another month or two away from the POSSIBILITY of having help paying for 3 hours of preschool 3 days a week, which will cost me an astronomical amount of money.
I'm scared!
I don't think I can handle ten credits, one of the classes being CHEMISTRY, on my own. I'm in a very precarious situation, and just praying my way through it.
As much as I pray my way through it, until some of these things get resolved and I know where I'm up against, I'm going to be struggling somewhat.
Man, if only that "Easy" button from Staples REALLY existed! ;)
I'm confident that this is EXACTLY where God wants me. That gives me the strength to overlook the naysayers and accomplish my goals regardless of the negativity and desire to control. I feel a peace about my direction, but the process is not without its rocks and bumps. I have overcome so much... and this is just another one of the million bumps in my life road.
Now to just wait for Tuesday with the results of whether or not I qualify for childcare assistance.... and then decide where to go from there.
I've been under a lot of pressure from people I know about my decision to "ship my children off" for any amount of time to a preschool, AND for going to school. It has weighed heavily on me that they would not approve of my desire to achieve something for myself, and that they feel I would be somehow "harming" the boys to have them in another person's care for a grand total of 9 hours a week.
I was planning on going to school online (so if my kids were sick, I could be home with them, but still have time to complete my coursework without having any interruptions and do my internship time in classrooms), and was told that the state would subsidize my childcare (or pay a percentage to help me out). Unfortunately, that just might not happen. Apparently because it's online, and not in a classroom every day, (even though I'm taking ten credits) I may not qualify. At least, not without an appeal. That leaves me another month or two away from the POSSIBILITY of having help paying for 3 hours of preschool 3 days a week, which will cost me an astronomical amount of money.
I'm scared!
I don't think I can handle ten credits, one of the classes being CHEMISTRY, on my own. I'm in a very precarious situation, and just praying my way through it.
As much as I pray my way through it, until some of these things get resolved and I know where I'm up against, I'm going to be struggling somewhat.
Man, if only that "Easy" button from Staples REALLY existed! ;)
I'm confident that this is EXACTLY where God wants me. That gives me the strength to overlook the naysayers and accomplish my goals regardless of the negativity and desire to control. I feel a peace about my direction, but the process is not without its rocks and bumps. I have overcome so much... and this is just another one of the million bumps in my life road.
Now to just wait for Tuesday with the results of whether or not I qualify for childcare assistance.... and then decide where to go from there.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
"I Am" Poem
So, I've finished day one of school, and my very first assignment for my Intro To Elementary Education 201 class. It was mostly to introduce ourselves, to learn about ourselves through introspection, and to have something to look back on as time passes and we change. It's such a wonderful way to take a snapshot of *this* moment.
As single moms, or as women in general... we sometimes feel that our current circumstance NEEDS to change in order for us to be pleased with ourselves. Nothing will ever be perfect, and even when we strive for perfection, we so often come up short. This is a chance for an honest look at your heart, as it is, and I encourage you to complete your own! Share it with us! :)
Directions:
I am ___________________________
I wonder
I hear
I see
I want
I am (repeat of line 1)
I pretend
I feel
I touch
I worry
I ask myself
I am (repeat line 1)
I understand
I believe
I dream
I trust
I hope
I am (repeat line 1)
Here is the poem I turned in:
I AM RESILIENT.
I wonder about the world I left behind.
I hear the stillness and am thankful.
I see my children laughing, and know I made the right choice.
I want to comfort those who are hurting.
I am resilient.
I pretend not to cry so that I can bring joy instead of pain.
I feel the weight of responsibility, but do not bend.
I touch my son's face, looking up at me with pride.
I worry about the day when their innocent hearts learn the truth.
I ask myself if I would have done anything differently.
I am resilient.
I understand that I cannot save or protect others from themselves.
I believe in the healing power of prayer.
I dream that someday I will have a "complete" family, and a fulfilling career.
I trust that regardless of whether I achieve those goals, that I will be comforted.
I hope that I can always smile.
I am resilient.
Now it's your turn! Let's grow together. If you submit your poem in the comments section, you'll be automatically entered to win an 8 x 10 print of my photo, "Sunlight Path". :)
As single moms, or as women in general... we sometimes feel that our current circumstance NEEDS to change in order for us to be pleased with ourselves. Nothing will ever be perfect, and even when we strive for perfection, we so often come up short. This is a chance for an honest look at your heart, as it is, and I encourage you to complete your own! Share it with us! :)
Directions:
I am ___________________________
I wonder
I hear
I see
I want
I am (repeat of line 1)
I pretend
I feel
I touch
I worry
I ask myself
I am (repeat line 1)
I understand
I believe
I dream
I trust
I hope
I am (repeat line 1)
Here is the poem I turned in:
I AM RESILIENT.
I wonder about the world I left behind.
I hear the stillness and am thankful.
I see my children laughing, and know I made the right choice.
I want to comfort those who are hurting.
I am resilient.
I pretend not to cry so that I can bring joy instead of pain.
I feel the weight of responsibility, but do not bend.
I touch my son's face, looking up at me with pride.
I worry about the day when their innocent hearts learn the truth.
I ask myself if I would have done anything differently.
I am resilient.
I understand that I cannot save or protect others from themselves.
I believe in the healing power of prayer.
I dream that someday I will have a "complete" family, and a fulfilling career.
I trust that regardless of whether I achieve those goals, that I will be comforted.
I hope that I can always smile.
I am resilient.
Now it's your turn! Let's grow together. If you submit your poem in the comments section, you'll be automatically entered to win an 8 x 10 print of my photo, "Sunlight Path". :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Onward and Upward
I am convinced that "finding my purpose" has been the single biggest impact for the positive on my daily outlook and focus. I am increasingly thankful for God's word and for the guidance it has provided me, in spite of any challenges I've faced. I can only hope that I can be any measure of a blessing in the lives of others as a result of my trials.
Today I was brave enough to venture out and speak with my academic advisor for my new "job" as a "real" college student. It's one of those lovely, rainy days here in the Northwest. I enjoy these days more lately, now that school is out of session and I can do fun things with the kiddos indoors, make cozy food and have an excuse to stay home and clean house, that is, unless I have an important appointment.
My advisor is a single mom of 6 children, so when I voiced concern about the schedule with my children, she squelched those rapidly. "Well, sweetie, imagine being a single mom to six children.... it is no picnic, but I get through it!" She had no idea I was a single mother myself, and after revealing this to her, she was much more helpful and less judgemental of my hesitancy.
I brought all three of the boys with me to the advising session, at her request, and I am SURE that she regretted the suggestion as soon as they walked into the room. WHY they picked this one important day to act like Satan's spawn, I'll never know. I even brought Color Wonder markers and paper, race cars and snacks to keep them occupied.... nothing worked. The office lady offered balloons, no dice. Chaos continued to ensue, as well as the gradual loss of my waning sanity.
The advisor, once staunchly on my side, said, "I think this program will actually help you to learn a lot about how to manage your own children, too." Ouch. Thankfully, this isn't how they normally act, and was a REALLY off day, but I still felt terrible, nonetheless. Especially when they cracked her prized antique kaleidoscope. :/ In my defense, I don't think she should have had something so valuable on a shelf two feet from the floor and accessible to children, especially three wild boys that she invited in... but I was still mortified. I had to go over all the details of what I have left to accomplish before entry while playing defensive line and referee simultaneously, and need a program evaluation of what I've already completed, but I'm on my way.
I left apologizing all over myself, but in spite of the crazy, I'm still over the moon with excitement about getting started.
Today I was brave enough to venture out and speak with my academic advisor for my new "job" as a "real" college student. It's one of those lovely, rainy days here in the Northwest. I enjoy these days more lately, now that school is out of session and I can do fun things with the kiddos indoors, make cozy food and have an excuse to stay home and clean house, that is, unless I have an important appointment.
My advisor is a single mom of 6 children, so when I voiced concern about the schedule with my children, she squelched those rapidly. "Well, sweetie, imagine being a single mom to six children.... it is no picnic, but I get through it!" She had no idea I was a single mother myself, and after revealing this to her, she was much more helpful and less judgemental of my hesitancy.
I brought all three of the boys with me to the advising session, at her request, and I am SURE that she regretted the suggestion as soon as they walked into the room. WHY they picked this one important day to act like Satan's spawn, I'll never know. I even brought Color Wonder markers and paper, race cars and snacks to keep them occupied.... nothing worked. The office lady offered balloons, no dice. Chaos continued to ensue, as well as the gradual loss of my waning sanity.
The advisor, once staunchly on my side, said, "I think this program will actually help you to learn a lot about how to manage your own children, too." Ouch. Thankfully, this isn't how they normally act, and was a REALLY off day, but I still felt terrible, nonetheless. Especially when they cracked her prized antique kaleidoscope. :/ In my defense, I don't think she should have had something so valuable on a shelf two feet from the floor and accessible to children, especially three wild boys that she invited in... but I was still mortified. I had to go over all the details of what I have left to accomplish before entry while playing defensive line and referee simultaneously, and need a program evaluation of what I've already completed, but I'm on my way.
I left apologizing all over myself, but in spite of the crazy, I'm still over the moon with excitement about getting started.
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