Opting Out

Hiatus: a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc.

In spite of its definition - a hiatus, being an interruption, can actually be a beginning of something great.

In just a little over two months, I haven't had a single date. Not one. I have dated a lot, trying to see what was out there, and I was finding it to be emotionally exhausting and frustrating. I felt like I was a better mother when I wasn't dating, and that my responsibilities were being carried out more efficiently when I was alone.

I prayed about this discrepancy, and why it was occurring, and I realized I needed to take even MORE time for myself than I was allotting. I prayed about what I wanted in my life, and where I felt like God is leading me. I found out several things.

1. I am happy. I truly am. Even though my past relationship with my ex did not work out, and I haven't found someone else, I am perfectly content as is. This is a powerful thing, because it will take a LOT more for me to want to change or adjust anything in my life for a relationship with someone else, and will be less likely to encourage me to be with someone who is wrong for me to fill that void.

2. I am excited about my future, and finally feel a sense of true purpose. I am not going to let any relationship get in the way of God's will for my education and career until I reach my goal (which is to complete my degree and student teaching).

3. My sons are thriving because of my choice to stay home with them. They care about each other, are loving toward me, and overall, very good little boys. I love to watch them explore their world and learn about their environment with me to guide them.

4. My faith is not only important to me, it's impossible for me to live a life without it as my primary focus. If a potential partner doesn't share those beliefs, from the get-go, it will never work.

In light of my time alone, and my new-found clarity, I accepted a date with someone for this Friday, when the ex will have the kids. He'll have them for the entire weekend, which will allow me to feel relaxed on the date, and not have to worry about rushing home to my babysitter who is enjoying her 10/hr. paycheck for my free time.

So, I'm looking forward to a night out with a new friend, but I'm going to remain cautious and careful, as always. We'll see if he passes "the test"!