I know, I know. The Bible encourages us, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Today, the anxious is winning.
I'm afraid. I don't like anything that has to do with my ex's visits, and I really don't want anything to happen that would hurt my boys' hearts, either emotionally or physically (if they do reckless boy things, as my ex is a bit of a daredevil and doesn't know the limits young kids have). My oldest has been telling me that HIS daddy is staying this time, forever. I have repeatedly and lovingly told him that he will only be visiting, and then he will leave us again, but he seems to have it stuck in his little boy mind that families are supposed to have a daddy and a mommy. Imagine that. I am at the point where I don't know what to tell him to comfort him, or even to encourage him to embrace reality. My best bet at this point is to let what happens happen, and to pick up the pieces when the ex leaves again. After the dust settles, I can only pray that I know what to do.
Thankfully, the twins are too young to even understand what a daddy really is, so they will likely be far less affected by a temporary playmate (dad) leaving, and by their dad having another wife and child. I hope so, anyway.
In one week, the damage to their hearts will begin, and I'm afraid. However, I know that God's promises will remain true, regardless of my circumstances, and I'm doing my best to remember the next part of Philippians - 4:8 ~
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. "
I am doing my best to keep my heart bathed in prayer, and not to let my thoughts wander to the things that can harm ME as well. I need to be strong enough to pick up my boys and dust them off when this is all over, and to continue re-building our lives without breaking my stride.
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.
Will has made up his own version of the Barney song, "I love you, you love me, we are best friends and family, with a big hug and a kiss from me, won't you love me too...."
The twins are beginning to want to be together constantly. At Silverwood yesterday, they both insisted on riding the rides with each other, not with their big brother (which was fine with him - as he likes to be by himself).
I get kisses and hugs and I love you's EVERY DAY. I am so blessed!!!
I'll leave you with this thought, and regardless of your circumstances, whether single mother, or not, I am sure you'll find it interesting:
"The outer world of circumstance shapes itself to the inner world of thought, and both pleasant and unpleasant external conditions are factors which make for the ultimate good of the individual. As the reaper of his own harvest, man learns both by suffering and bliss." - James Allen
With the week to come, regardless of its impact, I plan on learning all I can, and can trust that with encouragement and love, my boys can do the same. We can overcome hurt and pain with God's wisdom lovingly placed in our hearts.