I find myself nearing foreign territory right now. I'm beginning to enter boyfriend-land. There were times I never, ever thought this would happen. Those days are over. I can now see that it is indeed possible for someone to care about me, and want to be a father to my boys. How did this happen, you ask?
I wandered on to a dating website, saw his profile and chatted up this wonderful guy for a couple of months off and on. He was the last person I had contact with from this site. I had completely given up. I was discouraged with men in general after a couple of bad dates, and decided to lay low for awhile. I kept in contact with him, but less frequently, as I was debating giving up the whole dating game for the 100th time.
One in particular was a really bad first-and-only blind date, that seemed to go incredibly well, but ended awkwardly. The "Backstreet Boy" and I hit it off, had great conversation and laughed a lot during our coffee date. We had agreed to see each other again, and later after avoiding me both from my two text messages and bumping into me in person, he ended up backing out because it "didn't feel right". Cue depressing score.
Then, after a characteristic optimistic spell, I decide to go ahead and try one more time to jump in the dating shark tank.
We go on our first date, and I am immediately surprised by how friendly, sincere, respectful and -normal- he seems. No staring at my chest, no awkward questions, no uncomfortable silence. I'm also surprisingly attracted to him. For most of the date, I was imagining kissing him while sitting across the table - which of course I didn't do. :) He made me laugh so much and asked intuitive questions, making me feel greatly at ease. After three and a half hours, the place was closing, so we had to leave (even though neither of us really wanted to). Immediately after walking out the door, he asks when he can see me again, and secures a day the next week just hours after he got back from a trip. I was floored! No having to play the "phone game"!!! (I HATE THAT GAME. EVERYONE DOES!) When will he call? Oh, wait - he already did. :) On top of that, he kept in contact without being intrusive every day that he was away. When he had a minute to talk, he made sure to send me a note or shoot me a call. I couldn't stop smiling all week.
Then we went on date two, and date three, and I'm at the point where I am feeling more comfortable talking with him and getting to know him. So, it's been a couple of weeks, and one guy in particular has managed to somehow stick around. That very thought is such an encouragement. I had doubts that I would ever get to this point and not be a neurotic mess. He makes me feel calm and secure. I do have butterflies when I'm around him, but they don't cloud my judgement. He just slowly wins me over day by day (so far). It is so refreshing to have someone treat me with respect and care.
After these wonderful dates, I went back to where the Backstreet Boy worked, hoping against hope that I wouldn't run into him, but did. I avoided eye contact at all costs (soooo embarassing, but hey - I'm not going to stop shopping there just because he's not into me) and ended up in the middle of a nice little ego boosting scenario. One of the other guys who worked there sought me out and walked right up to me, with the kiddos in tow, and chatted me up just a few feet from B.B. Best part was, he was much hotter. I noticed B.B. unbroken stare out of the corner of my eye, and his eventual reaction.... and walked out without feeling dejected. I had finally conquered the dating beast (for now) instead of it getting the best of me.
So, if you don't see me around here for a couple days, it's because I'm off daydreaming or talking on the phone in my very limited free time. ;)