I never thought this day would come. In the darkest days of my divorce, when the twins were 6 months old, there would rarely be a day that I wouldn't want the world to end. To never have to wake up to endure the emotional pain I was being put through. Those of you who truly *know* me understand that when I say, "what I went through" - it means going to hell and coming back again.
Of course I hung on and held on to hope - as I'm still here. My children's needs were more important than my pain. I was so UNBELIEVABLY busy with the three of them, I didn't have time to give up. I'm still thankful that I'm here after everything I went through, because if I would have given up, I wouldn't have been able to reap the incredible feelings of elation I'm currently experiencing. I'm not just surviving. I'm thriving!!!
News as of late:
I decided to go half-time in school. I take courses online, so I can stay home with the kids during the day, and I'm taking World Religion and Cultural Diversity. Two of my very favorite subjects to fulfill my very last requirement for my associate's degree program (A.A.), and another one for good measure and to expand my mind. In looking through the books, I know that I am going to grow a lot in my knowledge of others this semester! For me, learning is my lifeblood. I have an overactive imagination, and if I don't have something to sink my "intellectual teeth" into, I wither. This is step A in my path to happiness at the moment. It may seem like too much for me, but it's actually very manageable. I stay up late doing my homework, which I would be doing anyway because I have to pull "door monitor" duty outside of the kiddos bedroom. They tend to wake up at around midnight EVERY night trying to escape to the kitchen and make trouble. This has gone on for 4 months... and they still refuse to be squelched.
This action has created a feeling of accomplishment, and gives me concrete short-term goals. It keeps me going and encourages a forward momentum in my quest for self-improvement and true independence.
I am working out three days a week. I got a membership to my local gym, and it has an option to get an "unlimited" childcare card. This allows me to take them in up to two hours a day, every day, and I get to work out in peace or just sit there with a book in the cafe. I go to a group spin class (which has the sweetest spin instructor I've ever had!) or work out on my own. I even managed to run a 10 minute mile for the first time in my LIFE!
This has had the single biggest impact of anything I've chosen to do lately. I have TONS of energy, which helps me keep up with the kids during the day, I'm happier thanks to the endorphins running through my body, and I'm looking leaner than I have since I completed a "Body Challenge" at the gym with my mother after having the twins. WIN, WIN, WIN.
Third, I've developed the blog a little bit more. I'm constantly making small tweaks and improvements, and I've enjoyed the positive results. I'm now on Ms. Single Mama's (www.mssinglemama.com) "Approved List", a successful single-mom blogger in her own right (hence, the snappy little button ------> ), and am featured on the homepage of singlemothers.org. I actually jumped up and down when I found out about each. :)
Here is a static image of the users who have viewed my blog in the last fifteen days... amazing! To think that even one more single mom can feel less alone as a result of me sharing my triumphs and follies is an incredible encouragement to me... let alone thousands!!!
The attention has made me more committed to putting quality content here, and has caused me to think more deeply about situations that would be helpful to my readers to hear about. It has also helped me to think with a different kind of thorough attention about choices I make and how I view myself - both of which have helped me to have an approach to my life that allows me to be authentic and less worried about the opinions of others who are not in my situation.
I love your feedback, so keep it coming! I have gotten so many wonderful letters and emails... they have been a great encouragement, and I hope I was able to be encouraging in return!!!
Things are changing, and I'm grateful for the feeling of pure joy that I hold in my heart. I was hurting so badly for two years, and I never thought I'd see the end of it. I used to dread waking up in the morning and thinking, "Oh, great... the day begins. It's only 16 hours until it's over and I can sleep another day away." Now, I wake up in the morning... and the first thought that pops into my head is, "What am I going to accomplish today???"