Monday, August 31, 2009

Cset la vie...

In the last few weeks I've learned so much about myself. I've had so many of those "epiphany" moments... and all because of the goings-on of the last couple of weeks.

I was given such a gift. Being able to see myself clearly again for who I am, what I want and what I am capable of was shocking. It's strange how we can go through life thinking we're happy, thinking we're ok, and then something wakes us up and it's like a cold bucket of water dumped on our heads....

It was the best couple weeks of the last two years for me. I was treated like a valuable, beautiful woman and felt like myself again for the first time in a long time. The old Erin. The one before all of the hurt, humiliation and responsibility. The one who knew that she could achieve all of her goals and dreams, because she is CAPABLE and WORTHY of this. The spontaneous, happy, fun, silly Erin that I wish I could go back in time and be again. And I was. If only for a while.

My fears and insecurities from what has happened to me caused me to freak out at times, and this disrupted the joy. It makes me upset, because I know that if I had just "gone with the flow", things would have gone differently. Overthinking.... such a treacherous thing....

So, even though I chose not to pass "Go", and didn't collect $200... I am feeling like a million bucks. I remember what it is like to be a part of something great. Places in my heart opened up that I thought were locked, bound and thrown into the ocean... I never realized those parts could come alive again.

So, here I sit, alone again... but not SAD anymore. Thankful. Joyous. Happy. Hopeful....

So many wonderful things lie ahead of me, and no matter who I'm with... I remember what it feels like to be ME again. And that is a gift I am more grateful for than anyone could imagine.


  1. I love you my dear :-) And I'm glad you were able to feel love like you deserve again, even if it was short lived. God's got bigger plans for you my love! And I can't wait to see what those plans are!

  2. I can't wait, either!!! :) Oh, but I can... and I must.