Being a single mom is tough as it is, but dating is a battlefield. Guys either view you as an easy "target" or as a big mess that they don't want to take on, for the most part. They'll occasionally test the waters and see if they can handle it... but, they usually get scared off if you do the slightest thing to make them think you're really interested. So, even if you had an amazing time, you have NO IDEA what they're really thinking. They have a LOT more to weigh in their minds about you... "What kind of baggage does this chick have?", "Does she want me to be involved with her kids?", "If she's so wonderful why did her ex leave her with three kids in tow?".... the list goes on and on...
So - I went on another wonderful date a couple of weeks ago, and I had the most amazing time! He was funny, educated, interesting, and was a great dancer. This would be, without a doubt, the very best date I've been on since the divorce, and I laughed myself SICK. We had a lot in common, very similar interests and goals... and similar personalities. He asked about the kiddos. I felt really comfortable around another guy for the first time in years. We had known each other before, and I'm sure that helped, but he was that overall wonderful, accomodating, attentive guy that every girl looooves to date. I had needed a great night out, and especially to let loose and dance. It's my therapy, I am telling you! So, great.... right?!?!
I begin to feel like the chick in "He's Just Not That Into You"... and checking my phone every five minutes for a text or call. This reallllly irritates me, because I don't like this icky feeling. I haven't had it for a long time. He doesn't call, he just texts. But, he doesn't always text back. It's hit or miss. So, a couple weeks of mixed signals later I end up realizing that I can't handle this kind of drama. Even if he IS a great guy, that doesn't mean he's right for me on *all* of the levels I need him to be. I need a calming influence, not someone playing hard to get.... someone who understands my history and is willing to be there through all of the ups and downs that are likely to plague me in my life because of it. I mean, I do want to have fun, but I have more to consider than my own entertainment. I'm not looking for Mr. Right now, I'm looking for Mr. Right. PERIOD. I don't have time for anything else.
Now, I'm not in dreamland thinking some guy is going to race along and sweep me off my feet, so the truth isn't hard to accept. But, it doesn't change the fact my circumstances are painful. Although my ex had moved on long before we divorced, and he's now remarried with another baby, it's been VERY difficult for me to find someone that I trust enough to even think about seriously dating. Just when I thought I did a couple of times, the guys let their crazy out or something doesn't quite fit. I think, however, that finding the RIGHT guy is easier because we're FORCED to have to wait for someone who will accept all of us, the work and joy of our children included.
That is, as long as we're willing to wait.
I'm human. I make mistakes. I don't know all of the "rules" to the dating game.... but most importantly, I don't like the rules. I don't think there should be "three day waiting periods" or certain faux pas that will ruin a relationship... any mature man would be able to see past the errors in play and understand that what is underneath the nervous exterior is what is most valuable. A strong, loyal, kind woman with a heart bigger than her whole self.
I am truly willing to wait.