Unrecognizable

It has been two months now since I was married, and I feel like I have to pinch myself every single morning. Why? I can hardly believe that the life I am now living is mine. It is somehow a continuation of the struggling, lonely existence I was living just a year ago today.

World-rocking change can come swiftly, and when you're least expecting it.

My days were filled with struggle, fear and exhaustion. Being a single parent to three young boys on a fixed income that was comprised of child support, student loans, a charity paying my rent, and utilizing limited government aid for food was embarrassing. It was the antithesis of everything I had wanted to achieve by age 28, and what I wanted for my sons. Despite the sometimes crippling shame of what I viewed as a "failed life", I pressed on every day working toward my goals and smiling through the hurt to give my sons the life I wanted for them.

And then, I met the man who would be my husband. In his own words a couple months after we met:

"I remember looking at your profile and reading the religion questions, thinking “This woman thinks like I do!” I look to you as a rock in my life. I tell people all the time that I can see Christ in you. You have a heart for the Lord, and spend your existence doing what he wants.  I get up every morning and thank God for blessing me with your love and support. I know that we will only continue to grow in Christ and live for him together as we move forward. I am constantly amazed with your positive attitude in spite of all of the heartache you experienced in your life. God has certainly blessed you in a very unique way."

It took him 71 days to propose. I was terrified at the idea of being "duped" again as I was by my first husband, but I felt an inexplicable peace when it came to the idea of a future with this man. Meeting his friends, his family, and his church family made me realize that he was exactly what he said he was. And, their protectiveness of him made me smile. My friends were much the same way with me when they had the opportunity to meet him.

Now, instead of fear, hurt and humiliation, my days are filled with inexpressible joy and gratitude for this simple life with a whole family and the ability to achieve my goals with this wonderful person by my side, rooting me on with every opportunity. He listens to my concerns, prays me through solutions and always encourages me to look to God when I sometimes forget His plan and purpose for my life. God has it under control.

I now have the blessing to be able to turn my focus from my fears to my hopes. The one thing I prayed over and over and OVER again during that time was that someday my cup would be able to overflow and impact the lives of others, and now it is finally happening. My prayer now is that I will be able to maintain my courage and keep my focus on God, allowing him to work through me to comfort others in need and to be a good steward of what he has blessed me with. Being a wife worthy of the love my husband provides, being a mother worthy of the honor my children show me and being a citizen worthy of my community both in church, school and city.

I pray for each of you daily - that you may find your joy and use all of your gifts to impact those around you in a positive way.