As I've grown in the post-divorce process, so have my children. It seems as though they became "kids" overnight. In the last week, some kind of switch has flipped and now they are ALL interested in big kid things.
We've gone on our first family bike ride (thanks to getting my bike repaired) and they all followed in a single file behind me pretty well. I felt like a mother duck taking her ducklings out for a spin.
They have also begun the "tree climbing phase". Every day on the way to the car they attempt to climb what they call "The Squirrel Tree" despite the fact that they're usually in a hurry. I treasure every moment that I get to watch them at work. Children are so precious.
This fall will be the third year since my divorce. THREE years! With so much time buffering and protecting me from that painful chapter in my life, I feel like I'm finally beginning to heal. The last three years have been frantic and difficult, and though I tried to keep myself busy and keep pushing forward, it was overwhelming and frightening. I feel strong. I feel joyful. I feel GRATEFUL. I wouldn't do that again, that's for sure, but I certainly don't wish that any previous chapter of my life never happened. I don't regret marrying my husband, and I don't regret having three boys by the time I was 23. I don't regret choosing to leave nursing school to become a wife, mother and then going back to school only to change my major to education (it's EXACTLY what I am meant to do!). I don't even regret any single decision I made during the divorce process - I can look back and truly say that I did what was best for the situation, even though it felt scary at the time.
For the first time, I also feel that my past is more of an asset than a hindrance. The emotional steeling that occurred has proved infinitely more useful to me than anything else. Granted, I am still a tender-hearted woman, but I am able to look at things more objectively. I am also a much better advocate for myself. I've learned that I do know what is right, and to trust my judgement and intuition. After all, I have to live with the decisions I make, why not be my own accountability?
I was taught that submission as a Christian woman was paramount. I looked to my husband for his approval on everything I did - I didn't even wear the colors brown or purple for several years. What I neglected to understand at first that the MOST important person in my life was not my husband, it was GOD. Living for God first has made incredible changes in my daily life. It has enhanced my peace, my enjoyment of life and my feeling of calm accomplishment.
I think of and pray for all of you out there every day, and I hope that my experiences shared can help you to feel less alone. That's the whole point of this blog; sharing with an open heart in hopes that it will help or impact you in a positive way. May you feel God's comforting spirit this week in the midst of "life" as it happens!