Sunday, October 9, 2011

Growing up...

As I've grown in the post-divorce process, so have my children. It seems as though they became "kids" overnight. In the last week, some kind of switch has flipped and now they are ALL interested in big kid things.

We've gone on our first family bike ride (thanks to getting my bike repaired) and they all followed in a single file behind me pretty well. I felt like a mother duck taking her ducklings out for a spin.

I haven't enjoyed my children this much since they were born. I've always adored spending time with them, but this is a whole new level of awesomeness. At every turn, they have hilarious things to say and do. I find myself in a fit of giggles countless times during any given day. They have outgrown their Thomas the Tank Engine obsession and have moved on to several other interests - Spiderman, Ironman, Superman.... pretty much any heroic-looking guy with super powers. Their latest attempt at heroism involved tying dental floss to the bunk bed to try to swing from the post like Spiderman. It didn't work well, but watching them work was pretty adorable.

They have also begun the "tree climbing phase". Every day on the way to the car they attempt to climb what they call "The Squirrel Tree" despite the fact that they're usually in a hurry. I treasure every moment that I get to watch them at work. Children are so precious.

This fall will be the third year since my divorce. THREE years! With so much time buffering and protecting me from that painful chapter in my life, I feel like I'm finally beginning to heal. The last three years have been frantic and difficult, and though I tried to keep myself busy and keep pushing forward, it was overwhelming and frightening. I feel strong. I feel joyful. I feel GRATEFUL. I wouldn't do that again, that's for sure, but I certainly don't wish that any previous chapter of my life never happened. I don't regret marrying my husband, and I don't regret having three boys by the time I was 23. I don't regret choosing to leave nursing school to become a wife, mother and then going back to school only to change my major to education (it's EXACTLY what I am meant to do!). I don't even regret any single decision I made during the divorce process - I can look back and truly say that I did what was best for the situation, even though it felt scary at the time.

For the first time, I also feel that my past is more of an asset than a hindrance. The emotional steeling that occurred has proved infinitely more useful to me than anything else. Granted, I am still a tender-hearted woman, but I am able to look at things more objectively. I am also a much better advocate for myself. I've learned that I do know what is right, and to trust my judgement and intuition. After all, I have to live with the decisions I make, why not be my own accountability?

I was taught that submission as a Christian woman was paramount. I looked to my husband for his approval on everything I did - I didn't even wear the colors brown or purple for several years. What I neglected to understand at first that the MOST important person in my life was not my husband, it was GOD. Living for God first has made incredible changes in my daily life. It has enhanced my peace, my enjoyment of life and my feeling of calm accomplishment.

I think of and pray for all of you out there every day, and I hope that my experiences shared can help you to feel less alone. That's the whole point of this blog; sharing with an open heart in hopes that it will help or impact you in a positive way. May you feel God's comforting spirit this week in the midst of "life" as it happens!


  1. I can only say looking at your kids and what you guys are up to together and reading your warm words when you write about them..You are doing great job!!!(I am singel mum too of one 2 year old Princess):)

  2. I find it inspiring to read your blog. My divorce has been finalize for 6 months and I still feel as though I am an emotional wreck. I have a 2 year old son who is the light of my life. Every time I feel down about the things that have happened, I look at him and remember that we are better off with my Ex. I try to be happy and put on a smile for everyone but in reality every day is hard. I can only hope that as time passes on things will get a little bit easier for us. Reading your words makes me realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel…thank you for this!

  3. Dzoli - thank you! :)

    Rebecca-you're welcome! I felt that way for at least a year, then on and off for the next two years. It's a difficult process, and I hope that you remember that you have the ability to make an impact in your circumstances one tiny step and decision at a time. Take GOOD care of yourself emotionally. Daily self-affirmation will help you a lot. Remind yourself of things that you know to be true - and the feeling of sadness will improve in time.

  4. Hi,Take care of yourself emotionally. and never ever give up! Lucy

  5. I wasn't married but did have a child in a relationship that broke down very bitterly. I have since come back to Christ but it I still get those heart renching evenings when everything just feels so dark and all I can do is curl up in ball and cry. Its so difficult to see, feel, or hear Christ in these situations and its only after that I can hope that this suffering is making me more like Christ. Thank you for your honest and beautiful pictures :)

  6. Erin, you;re such a brave gal to lift 3 kids on your own. I'm so moved and I pray for you the best in your life. Keep it up!!!