Monday, January 18, 2010

Is three too many?

It happened. Again.

I went out on a great date with a guy on Saturday... great chemistry, laughed the whole time, even missed the movie because we were enjoying each other's company so much. We walked around downtown Spokane, enjoying the weather and the night. Right before we parted ways, he said he'd call me.

Then... the next day he suddenly decided that there was "no connection." He complimented me on everything under the sun, and said I'm a great mother and that my boys are lucky to have me, but he just didn't see a future there.


I'm reasonably attractive. I'm nice. I'm funny. I'm a good person. I care about myself. I work hard. I am honest. Direct. Caring. I'm not perfect, but I'm not a bag lady, either.

And I'm still single.

I am not wallowing... I'm just curious. What is it, exactly, that makes children so scary to guys? Why would they burn so hot, then turn so cold?

Again, I'm swearing off dating for awhile. I need to detox my head from all the rejection, and the frustration. I am going to take the opportunity to build myself up instead of tear myself apart about this. Finishing the office re-model, work on school, maybe even get my washer fixed and a new vacuum. I lead an exciting life.


  1. I'm sorry. I had a few of these bad dating experiences too. I just decided that I was better off placing the focus on my ME and MY KIDS before any guy. God knows my desires and I've left it up to Him if and when I meet someone else.

  2. I'm sorry. I have no idea what it's like to date with children but can imagine it's terribly frustrating to be rejected because of them. God knows what you need and he'll take care of you. *hugs*

  3. men=dumb. Haven't we gone over this lesson before? ;) That man= especially DUMB

  4. men=dumb.

    Hey now, women aren't exactly the easiest creatures to get along with.

  5. No worries, you are a hot mama--the right guy will come along soon. :)

  6. Three kids is not too many... He is just the WRONG guy. The kids weed out the self-centered guys and you wouldn't want to be with THAT again anyways. Remember.. most.. almost ALL guys are the wrong guy. There is only one that God has for you. God will bless you when the time is right! xoxo

  7. Beth, I'm glad to know it isn't just me! I'm at the same point. Even when I do date, I limit it to once a week at the most, and on Saturdays when I can have the kids put to bed before I leave. Even that is proving to be too emotionally draining with the level of rejection.

    Tara - thank you for pointing that out. No matter how many times I bring that thought to mind, it never seems like enough.

    Kristen - I guess so! They have something pretty darn awesome right in front of them and can't see past my kids.

    Jack - Point taken. We aren't always the easiest to get along with, but I'm one of the most easygoing of them all, with a lot to offer, and it seems insane to me that just because I have three boys the dating pool is limited to losers (AKA, no drive, no goals and three teeth.)

  8. Becca - so true... thank you! I have to remember that.... almost ALL guys are the wrong guy. Poignant. :)

  9. It just means that isn't the guy. I would do my best to put myself in their shoes--it is a lot to take in, not only three young boys but the fact that they (the guy) will not be first in your list of priorities. The right one is out there and he will love you and your kids. Just got to keep on looking and until then live life and hug those boys for me. :)

  10. Erin, it will take a SUPER special kind of guy that would want to take on a "ready-made" family. It's not scary, it's just SO much more than any regular single guy is looking for. A guy could love kids, but that doesn't mean he wants any of his own right away. It will seriously be one heck of a guy that will date you and say "oh heck yes, I want the whole package (your kids) too!!" Again, it has nothing to do with how amazing or not amazing you are, it has EVERYTHING to do with him and his maturity and where he is in life.

    Love you hon, keep your guard up and keep that hard hat on your heart! Gotta keep it safe, remember? ;)


  11. Erin, you are a daughter of the King, you are co-heirs with Christ, and you are precious in His sight! Remember the truths of God's Word and who you are IN Christ! I pray for you frequently that God would work out a miracle for you. It is true that when the special guy comes along there will be no question in his mind that you and your kids are a beautiful, whole package. God is big enough! I love you, Erin!

  12. You don't have too many kids! I love your family like I love my own hun. And some man is going to feel that EXACT same way, in due time. I'm still waiting on it too - So I feel your pain. I love you!

    Love, Christi

  13. Erin, It is his loss! God knows exactly who He has in mind for you, and you will not have to work to find him. God is probably refining him right now to be ready for the type of relationship you need. He knows your desires, and I am positive without a shadow of a doubt that He is going to bless you in an amazing way in His timing. You have some... See More wonderful things ahead of you that are just for you! You have come too far not to. Focus on yourself and God will do the rest! Love you!!! BTW, I only have one and that is too many too! =)

  14. I am so sorry, Erin! I wonder if the tables were turned with the guy as the divorced one with custody of the children dating a single girl. Would the woman go running? I think in most cases, no. It must be a woman's nurturing instinct that kicks into gear which makes her want to help the guy with his children. I think guys see the future often... See More times in terms of trying to properly provide for a family. He was just being honest with you which hurts a lot. It is difficult to know what to say as it looks like you had a great time. Hugs to you!

  15. I"m sorry Erin... and as much as it might be confusing as to why you're still single, i know that you REALLY don't want somebody who doesn't really want your kids, too! That is part of who YOU are now. You are all those other wonderful things, and for all practical purposes, you are really NOT single... you are already a family... And the person for you is the person who really wants a family... your family.

  16. Thank you, everyone, for your encouragement! I guess I just thought it would be easier than this to find someone. It's going to take a LOT of patience!!! God will have someone, in his timing, it just feels so hopeless sometimes.

    Brenda - "You have some... See More wonderful things ahead of you that are just for you!" This is so true!!! I will get to reap the benefits of my hard work all for myself. :)

    Aunt Sharon - I have the same thoughts. That is why it is frustrating... a guy in my situation wouldn't have as difficult a time finding a partner. I am trying to bring my ... See Moreheart to the point that it doesn't bother me, but it is reality, and if I accept it gracefully life will be much easier. I love you, and seeing how hard you work to raise your three boys to become such wonderful young men is truly inspiring. :)

    Michelle - that is a really wonderful way to look at it. I really am not single. God gave me three wonderful young men to spend oodles of time with and nurture. That is truly a blessing. I just have to keep my focus on Christ and on the boys. :)

  17. From your posts i can say that any guy not taking the time to know you better is definately missing out.
    Some of the people who have replied to your posts have made good points even though from your point of view it doesn't solve "the problem".
    You are not looking for any guy you are looking for the right guy... remember how being with the wrong guy feels like?
    A guy dating you has to consider your kids and decide if he can bring something positive into their lives. He might not be at that point yet even if he would like to be.
    Not with all guys but with the type of guy that would make a good partner for you and role model to your boys; that you have 3 kids is not the issue. The issue is being able to give you all what you deserve emotionally, spritually, physically and financially.

  18. I do remember what the "wrong" guy feels like - it was like a death sentence!

    I loved this line from your comment, "A guy dating you has to consider your kids and decide if he can bring something positive into their lives."

    So true! And, the last paragraph... I think I'm beginning to understand what I am looking for even more now that you brought a "male insight" to the discussion. I will be praying about all of that in my quiet time with God during the coming week, and adding those very thoughts to my prayer journal!

  19. I find a great deal of strength when reading your blog as well as the comments. You guys help me stay focused on the truth.

    Oh yes, 'those guys', the ones who appear great at first but rethink things because of our children. You remind me of another good point. I got rid of one who wasn't right for me and wouldn't do right by the children, so why would I be upset if another one of 'those guys' chooses not to be a part of our lives? I should be thankful!

  20. Anonymous - that is SO TRUE! If they choose to opt out at the beginning, at least they are being honest about their own selfishness!

  21. Erin, Forgive me for any repeats as you know my time is crazy and I haven't had the chance to read the others comments. :) I think you understand. Anyway...

    I have often wondered what man would ever want someone with four kids... and then I realized that the right man would. The man who would love them like his own, love them unconditionally, and never treat them as "step-children". The right man is going to come along, eventually, and when he does you will know it with every part of you. At least this is what I believe. The ones that get spooked in the beginning by the kids... let them keep walking. No need for THAT drama! :) I appreciate the ones that do leave in the beginning though because at least you don't fall for them and THEN they tell you that the kids spook them.

    Ok, I just heard a big crash.. and whatever it was, I hope there was no peanut butter involved as well... lol

    Love ya, Bryn

  22. Oh Erin! Be careful, just when you stop looking is always when you find the one! :) Besides you get out and date way more than most of my single friends without kids. Way to go!

  23. Bryn - I love ya, too! I know just what you mean... just let 'em keep on walking. I agree wholeheartedly. It is frustrating, but at least I got out on a Friday night and had a great time!

    Shannon - LOL! We'll see! And, I have to say - that's amazing that I date more than your single friends. And, I thought I was behind the curve! That is a huge encouragement!